


A Poem of Farewell

by Sealaisx



Category: Love Live! Sunshine!!
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst, Break Up, Character Analysis, F/F, Heavy Angst, Sexual Content, did i say angst, future!Au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-21
Updated: 2019-04-21
Packaged: 2020-01-23 12:02:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,061
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18549367
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sealaisx/pseuds/Sealaisx
Summary: Once they've graduated, it's time for the third years to seek a place to continue their studies in.Kanan and Mari are in a relationship: the problem is, they are going to part soon, since Mari is going to study in Italy while Kanan is staying in Japan.How could things be solved?Again, Kanan makes the most selfish choice.





	A Poem of Farewell

Restless is the soul of the ones whose life has driven them to question the meaning of their existence.

No, life itself isn't that bad. We are only led to believe that because it would hurt us so much more if we realized that our most important choices were wrong from the start.

 

And left alone was the girl laying on her bed, in the middle of a summer night, unable to sleep nor to stop her mind from wandering somewhere else. Her breath was even, her amethyst eyes wide open, those precious gems that would freeze on the spot whoever dared to challenge them or the girl’s smile.

Clutching her shirt, she found herself gazing around the room, looking at her dear plushies or smiling at the framed photographs; still, everything felt so...foreign.

 

Maybe, it weren't her belongings whose hue had become of a lighter shade or changed their place on their own will: maybe, it was her heart that had grown differently.

 

Two months. Such little time had passed since she graduated and left high school to get ready for university: she would stay in Japan to study Marine Biology, the subject she had always dreamt making a job out of. 

The faintest hint of a smile hit her face like a thunder, making it shine despite the absence of light in the room: how she loved the see with all its creatures, and how she felt every wave caress her chin while she swam! There was no interior mud that the cold waves wouldn't be able to wash away. 

And she remember when it rained, once, while she was diving: she came back to the surface only to be greeted by droplets of cold nostalgy falling over her, making her miss the warm rays of sunshine and…

 

And she didn't want to think about it anymore. Not about what she missed.

 

Not about  _ who  _ she missed.

 

A couple of steps towards her desk and a cruel thud reminded her of the material proof of her choices.

 

A leather luggage.

 

* * *

 

_ She couldn't exactly remember the window she was supposed to look at: but how could she? They were all the same: a small panel of glass with a terrace big enough to fit a table, a couple of chairs and a tall plant.  _

_ Although she wouldn't be able to tell the difference at first glance, she knew that the only window that mattered was the one who would reach out to her. _

_ A flashlight shone in the gloomy night: sometimes a short flash, others a full beacon of light, aiming directly at the blue-haired girl. And oh, how she smiled at that secret call of theirs, that theft of her breath which was always consensual, and would leave her smiling with tears threatening to run over her cheeks! Her eyes matched the stars in the dark carpet that was the sky, violet gems shining brightly, almost in response. _

_ And here: she would put all her will to use not to get paralyzed, then run as fast as the sand under her feet would let her, towards that calling light just for her. _

_ It wasn't the first time: that ritual had been going on for quite a while, that summer, after they reunited: but still, every time it left her with tears of joy she thought were far gone from her life. _

_ Light, metal stairs looked like they were built just for her: they were the kind people would use to escape if a fire would set somewhere in the building. _

 

_ No wonder the manager of the hotel would have a whole set installed under the window of his daughter's room.  _

 

_ She climbed them with haste, adrenaline flowing through her veins and making her want to howl out her feelings for the woman she was about to meet. _

 

_ “Kanan!”: here she was, with that angelic voice of hers of which Kanan would never have enough, ringing in her ears and making her deaf to anything else. _

 

_ “Mari!”, and the bluenette jumped directly through the open window into the girl's room, hugging her golden haired lover tight and lifting her up, which earned her a giggle. She only put her down to look at her: bright yellow eyes with tiny sparkles, something they would always show whenever Mari was sincerely happy. _

 

_ Kanan knew it too well. And she didn't hesitate in closing the distance between them. _

 

_ She would always lose herself while kissing Mari: eyes closed, she felt the ever cold lips of her lover moving against her, and gods did she love it. _

_ Kanan laced her arms around Mari’s waist, pulling her closer: the quarter Italian girl parted from the kiss to giggle, but the diver couldn't help herself from resuming it. She bit Mari's lower lip, not hard enough to spill blood, but not softly enough either to let it pass unnoticed by the blonde, who gasped against the kiss and curled her fingers onto Kanan's shoulders, who responded by lightly tracing her tongue on the swollen lip, as making a silent request.  _

_ Mari broke the kiss once again, but this time she was completely serious, taking deep breaths to calm herself down. Lowering her gaze, she took the collar of Kanan's shirt in her hand and pulled, inviting her to make small steps forward until the blonde's legs were hitting the soft fabric of her bedsheets. _

_ She sat down on it, but resumed eye contact, with a gaze that could be described as both lustful and fearful, but nonetheless soft: Kanan knelt on the mattress, hugging her with knees on each side of her lover's hips. Mari was left almost frozen by her girlfriend’s gaze, which had become darker, predatory. But then, Kanan kissed the back of her hand, closing her eyes for a brief moment to savor the coolness of the skin, then embraced her. _

 

_ “Mari…” Kanan tried to say, only to be silenced by a kiss, her girlfriend assaulting her lips, leaving no room for her to breath, let alone talk. She managed to free herself after a while and, before Mari could drag her down once again, in their own personal heaven, she warned her. _

 

_ “Mari, if I go too far...promise you'll stop me”. _

 

_ Hands on her hips, sliding under the heiress’ nightgown, what would come next was unavoidable.  _

 

_ “Kanan…”, Mari let out a sigh that was half emotional, half from the excitement and anticipation. _

 

_ “You could never, never break me”. _

 

* * *

 

 

Kanan let out a scream so loud that she felt relieved knowing she was alone in the house.

 

Why, why on earth was she still thinking about her? 

 

She and Mari had broken up almost two weeks ago, by now: the former knew too well how much the latter had been in pain, but never reached out to her.

What would be her excuse, anyway? She pretended to be seeing another girl, and she knew how much that would hurt Mari, but it was necessary to make sure she and her parted ways.

 

To make sure Mari  _ hated  _ her.

 

It was for a good cause: Mari was eventually going to study in Italy, literally on the opposite side of the Earth from where Kanan would stay. A long-distance relationship? Just the idea of it looked unbelievable to Kanan. And even so, their love had been hidden from Mari's parents, who instead hoped their daughter to marry a rich heir of some business company. Maybe it was really time to end that silliness.

 

Still, Kanan couldn't wash the thought of Mari from her head.

 

She deeply, deeply loved her. If she faked it all and pretended to have an affair with someone else, it was only to set Mari free from the burden Kanan herself had become for her. Telling those exact words to her would have resulted in Mari denying everything, maybe slapping her as she did that time in their old school, but Kanan knew better. She'd better protect Mari and wish for her happiness, instead.

 

For a brief moment, she considered calling her: she went as far as picking up her phone and lighting the screen up before sighing and throwing it across the room, frustrated.

What could she possibly tell her? That she was sorry? To Mari, it would sound as if Kanan was pulling her leg. Because seriously: what do you say to a heartbroken person when you know you're the cause of their despair? Kanan shook herself from the train of thoughts: what was that feeling of stomach ache and dizziness?

 

She missed her.

Kanan missed Mari so much it caused physical pain to her.

 

She didn't even tell her that, as the morning rise, she would be leaving the city and move to Tokyo. All of her stuff was already in her new flat, only she was missing.

 

And Kanan looked out of her window, glanced at the night sky: how could the stars stand so still, how could the moon rise normally, as if nothing in the world ever happened?

 

She sighed: in the end, there was no way anything would change. So, what was she going to do next?

She fidgeted with the hem of her shirt before making a decision.

 

The sea. 

All she needed was the wisdom of the sea.

 

\------------------------------------

 

The pleasant coolness of the night air was doing wonders to Kanan: she already felt more rested and relaxed, despite it being around 1:00 AM. Fuck all that waking up sooner the next day, the blue haired girl needed to escape reality for a few hours and feel the sand under her shoes while inhaling the scent of salt and humidity coming from the ocean, just mere steps away from her.

What helped her relieve the tension the most, though, was the everlasting sound of the messy waves, which reached out to caress the shore, a gentle hug that was going on since the beginning of life itself, and it showed no sign of an imminent cease. As a metronome, it went on, breaking the silence of Kanan’s heart, slicing through it and giving her a chance not to hear her own screams.

 

She was oh so tempted to just run towards the sea and dive straight into it, as if it were pure oxygen and not icy cold water. Melding together with it and disappear, without a worry in the world.

  
Kanan kept on steady breaths to avoid it, trying to regain her sense and just relax. One day, no, mere hours and everything would finally be over. She would do her best to adapt herself to the new life waiting for her, and maybe Mari would live better without her too, after a few weeks.

 

That beach...the same place where she had trained, alongside with the rest of Aqours. Oh, what memories were beginning to arise in her mind! And what she’d give to be back in those days! The only years she had felt true happiness in her life, and now they were long gone. Moving on hadn’t been easy, but Kanan would do anything if it meant relieving others from a burden.

 

Even if she herself was the burden.

 

She closed her eyes and looked at the sand under her feet: she would miss her place.

 

She would miss  _ her. _

 

Just as she was lost in her thoughts, something bright caught her attention: a white, polished rock just in front of her began to shine.

 

No, it wasn’t the rock itself: it couldn’t be capable of its own light. It came from somewhere else…

 

Kanan was left bewildered for a few seconds. Then, it dawned on her.

 

She turned her head to her left side so quickly she thought her neck would break. 

 

From a giant building, just outside the beach and not fully into the country, the third window from the right was shining.

  
And not a common window, but a larger one, one that was meant for a special room in the hotel Kanan knew so well.

 

Mari.

 

In the dead of night, Kanan looked at that flashlight, at that ray of hope that was shining, brightly sparkling just for her.

 

She stood for a while, not breaking eye contact with the woman that was now coming from inside the room, walking towards the terrace, with golden hair visible even in the darkest night.

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> I wanted to make a very important announcement in these end notes: after this oneshot, I'm going to officially quit Love Live fandoms & related. I will still be interested in it and read fics from this website, but I will no longer be posting anything about it. I'm going to update "You're Wizards, Aqours!" before the holidays end, while the other two fics left on hiatus will be permanently deleted.
> 
> I hope you enjoyed reading this fic of mine and I look forward to your opinion on my main long project.
> 
> Aqours...SUNSHINE! <3


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